And then old Fred shows up, having been beaten down so many times by stupidity, bad luck, and unfortunate plot lines, that he thinks all magic is bad. And now, he has an audience and a significant media presence, in the form of a hit radio show, where he keeps delivering his consistent, don't-let-them-fool-you-into-thinking-magic-is-good message. His most recent bombshell is a claim that the Camouflage disaster was actually the result of an industrial accident at an illegal waste disposal plant, where instead of carting the garbage to distant landfills, it was treated with Camouflage and then dumped in the nearby woods. His handlers are presenting Fred as a candidate who is a heroic victim of the Camouflage incident, fighting to change the system in spite of the odds. For whatever reason, Fred is suddenly the talk of the town. But what are his chances of winning the election? First of all, you have to understand that his opponent, Mother Huhu, is perhaps the most formidable political force in recent history. So the pundits are having a blast, talking up the intellectual positives of a Growler Fred win, but are really saying it's a lost cause. Of course, this only augments the weird attractiveness of Fred's candidacy, adding the underdog status to an already pathetic figure that the media has so eagerly plundered in search of a hero. Who says politics is boring?


Have any comments on the pro/anti magic debate? Email us:
gz @ growler.com
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Did you know that our website has 24 age appropriate crossword puzzles?
(and more coming!) Go here: The Growler Tapes Crossword Puzzles
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AMAZING HUHU FACTS (from GR 26, Timefish)

Fact: There is only one Timefish.

It used to be thought that the Timefish evolved the capability to
create openings in time and thereby travel to other timezones primarily
in search of better living conditions. But Professor QB Snifs, using his
highly modified Trans Time Coordinator has studied the habits of the
Timefish and has made some astounding discoveries. The most startling
conclusion is that evolution played no part in the development of this
creature. Genetic testing shows that all the Timefish are the same
individual, literally. In addition, Timefish are sterile, ruling out
known mechanisms of reproduction. By following the school, he learned to
his amazement that the school grows in size as it is joined by
individuals from other timezones. This and other empirical data led him
to an incredible hypothesis, but one that explained all the observations.
Huge numbers of individual Timefish could all be the same Timefish, each
from a different timezone, coming together to look like a large school.
Snifs also theorized that only one individual Timefish was originally
created - perhaps as some doomed freak of nature deep within the
Forbidden Zone, or possibly the result of an experiment conducted in the
future. Whatever the origin of this living anomaly, its ability to join
itself in other timezones became a reliable way of reproduction and it
thrived. Its reproductive instinct causes it to seek out and accompany
itself in an earlier or later timezone. In this way, the entire school
could double its size by going back in time one instant and merging with
itself. So we learn that the survival of the fittest can mean the
success of a sterile species, made up of only one individual.

And that's an Amazing Huhu Fact!

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All 31 Growler Programs are available on both CDs & tapes
1-800-GROWLER Discounts on sets.
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THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST by Mr. E.

If you remember from my last column, Dominick let me borrow the Fast Fingers from the set of Mother Huhu's Magic Helpline. Born of body extension technology, Fast Fingers looks like a pair of seven fingered gloves. But in reality, they help any normal five fingered person become dexterous beyond belief. Mother Huhu was doing a demonstration, playing 4 musical instruments at the same time - becoming her own ensemble! When I first put them on, I am able to tie my shoelaces with one hand! I can type on the keyboard - on 7 keyboards - faster than I can think. At the same time, I can cook with one hand and wash dishes with the other (wearing the special 7 fingered rubber gloves, of course). I can keep 14 yo-yos going! I can pitch a curve ball the comes back to me! I'm sewing with 4 needles faster than any sewing machine! I am having so much fun with this wonderfully weird prosthesis, that I decide to order a pair. Dominick says I have to get on the 27 page waiting list - apparently, a lot of others see the amazing potential of this device. I sign up and leave a deposit. "Soon," he says.

The way home from Dom's shop takes me past numerous industrial parks, research centers, their shipping and storage areas, and other mysterious sections designated with signs like, "implosives" or "temporals" or "endotherms." Most of the lots are empty. Some have empty containers. The only lot that has a fence is marked "Disposal." Inside, there is a tarp over a pile of something. From the fence, it appears to be just household junk, covered with some kind of green mold. The sign inside says, "Danger! ATBE, keep away from rain." I've learned that anything marked "Danger" in Growlerville should probably be marked "Extreme Danger!!!"

From far away, silent lightning erupts in the sky. Just as I step up the pace toward home, I see a large crate in an area designated "recovery." The crate looks like it may have fallen off a truck. One side is smashed and partially open. As I get closer, I can see a label marked "Research 1A" and dead insects scattered about in the yard around the crate. It's gross and creepy. A big box of bugs? For a moment I am paralyzed, but my curiosity overcomes my queasiness and I approach the huge carton, trying not to step on any of the bodies. There are so many that they are unavoidable, and when I do step on one, it doesn't feel like a real bug. It's springy and rubbery. Upon closer inspection, I can see that the insects are not real, but realistic, synthetic replicas of a species of cricket. This is one humongus shipment of fake bugs!

As I put one of the insects into my pocket, a fleet of white trucks with "Fred Forever" bumper stickers and "Research 1A" on the doors thunders onto the lot. A bunch of really big guys wearing mirrored sunglasses and visors jump out and tell me there's a security issue and that I must leave immediately. I ask who they work for and what the bugs are for, but they are only interested in getting me out of there. These are very serious dudes. When I mention that I'm a reporter, they look at each other as if acknowledging the potential for trouble, and then the obvious leader points in the direction of my exit. No more words are exchanged. From across the road I watch them haul away the crate and all the bugs on the lot.

Before their dust could settle, a black motorcycle streaks out of nowhere and pulls up beside me. It's Grandpa Huhu. The old guy is a hoot with his black leather riding outfit, black helmet, black boots, gloves. At first, he doesn't believe my story. He's sure I'm messing around with him until I show him my rubber bug. He recognizes the species and becomes very insistent that we go to EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society) headquarters immediately. No way I'm riding on the back of his cycle. He persuades me to give him the rubber bug, as evidence of a plot to carry out some environmental crime. I learn from him that "Research 1A" refers to Professor Growler's secret project focused on something called the temporal vortex - an opening in the time continuum created by an encrusted creature called the timefish as it enters a timezone. EARS has planted moles in Prof. Growler's research team, and is preparing to sabotage his experiment to keep him from harming this protected creature. Grandpa Huhu thinks the fake crickets are part of an elaborate plan to capture the timefish, something EARS wants to prevent. I'm not sure I understand it all, but Grandpa Huhu could not hang around to fill me in. We make plans to meet after dinner, and he zooms off. Distant thunder is no longer distant.

I am left by the side of the road wondering what is going on. I get this feeling I'm onto something really big, and really weird. So why did I have to give Grandpa Huhu my rubber bug? It's the only real proof I had of what really happened. By the way, what really did happen?

Next time:
A visit with EARS, the election controversy, some thoughts on decision making, and the ugly truth about Camouflage.
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UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK KNOCK CITY

Knock knock.
Who's there? June.
June who? Ju need to be so annoying?


Knock knock.
Who's there? Deesa.
Deesa who? Deesapear and don't come back!


Knock knock.
Who's there? Juicer.
Juicer who? Ju serve tea with desert?


Knock knock.
Who's there? Mikey.
Mikey who? My key doesn't fit in my keyhole!

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REMINDER: These 3 stories were released within the past 12 months:
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GROWLER RADIO 23, Glitch

Scientists are saying that unless all Glitch is removed from our
midst, something very destructive is about to happen in Growlerville.
So, for the safety of all, the Huhu Authority is asking citizens to
voluntarily turn in any Glitch jewelry they may own. What are the
chances that everyone will cooperate?

Who made those tiny footprints in the bathroom, and why did someone
sprinkle Gravity Boost on the stairs? Déjà vu plays a role as the kids
inadvertently become involved in an organized effort to save
Growlerville from an overdose of chaos. But it may already be too late.

Concepts: Déjà vu. Periodicity. Distorted, looping time warp.

Revisits: The Forbidden Zone, GR19, GR20.
                  for a recent review of Glitch: Reviews.
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GROWLER RADIO 24, EverCool

Dr. Growler's company, EverCool, is a hugely successful enterprise,
manufacturing everything from appliances to soft drinks. It's a
household name that everyone loves for its amazing products. But
there's a dark spot out in the meadow that seems to be growing, and
the trees and plants are all dying.

Being up in a treehouse gives you a great view from above. It's a
cool place to observe woodpeckers, or deer, or even someone
harvesting shadows. The kids rescue the Eensies, get severely
exposed to a dangerous substance, and discover that the remedy is
not a sure thing.

Concepts: Anti-light.

Revisits: The Eensies GR17.
                  for a recent review of EverCool: Reviews.
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GROWLER RADIO 25, Camouflage

Mother Huhu had a slight accident during the taping of her show.
But not to worry. Everything that escaped has by now been recaptured
and is being held in small glass containment traps spread out on the
lawn, waiting to be put back into the vault by the baby Huhu. What else
could possibly go wrong?

When you suddenly can't see your own body, there are questions that
need answering. Is there any difference between being invisible and
being perfectly camouflaged? Have magic practitioners become lax
when it comes to safety issues? And what exactly is 100% Visibility?

Concepts: Invisibility, visibility, perception.

Revisits: Magic safety issues.

The Growlerville Tourist column in the last issue of GrowlerZone has an
extensive descriptive on Camouflage: GrowlerZone June 2000

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Coming Soon:

GROWLER RADIO 27 All Things Being Equal (January 2002)
The dangers of equality, By Guess & By Gory, and the election of a lifetime.

GROWLER RADIO 28 The Vagaries Of Vague (1 June 2002)
When precision and accuracy aren't enough.
_________________________________________________________________
All Growler stories are now available on both audiocassettes & CDs.

To order tapes, CDs or a catalog: 1-800-GROWLER or Order Form

Purchase orders accepted from libraries and schools.
Info for schools & libraries Discounts on full sets
_________________________________________________________________

To read more about available Growler tapes/CDs:

The Growler Tapes (Classic Series) I-IV

Growler Radio 1-26


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