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"Sometimes there is an urgent need to do nothing, as quickly as possible." (Oldold)

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In this issue:

- - DEAR GROWLERZONE: Feedback forum

- - GROWLER RADIO: GR4 Book Of Lies

- - GRIST: The Educated vs. The Elders: Clash of Cultures

- - AMAZING HUHU FACTS: Can a lie be the best way to communicate the truth?

- - THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST: Mr. E gets an inside peek at Prof. Growler's lab.

- - THE BENEFITS OF BEING ANNOYING: A link to an interesting Oldold correspondence.

- - UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK-KNOCK CITY: More silliness from a pro.
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DEAR GROWLERZONE

Dear GrowlerZone,
I want to complain about the notion in GR5 "Book of Lies" that
lying may sometimes be an acceptable practice. Can you please give
me even one example of when, in everyday life, it is ok to lie? Mrs. Z.

Dear Mrs. Z.
Nice hair. GZ

Dear GrowlerZone,
What is this about rubber bugs? In the last issue, and on
several places on your site, there is mention of fake crickets, but
no mention of what they're used for. From what story? BarbieQ

Dear BarbieQ,
They are used in controversial research. Listen to GR26
"Timefish," and there's more on them in Mr. E's article below. GZ

Dear GrowlerZone,
Concerning your crossword puzzles: We have all of Growler Radio
but were disappointed to find your website only has 24 puzzles! My
kids have been after me to find out when more are coming. Tool8

Dear Tool8,
There are now 29 puzzles and we're working on the rest. GZ

Got questions or comments? Let's hear from you.
gz @ growler.com
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GROWLER RADIO 5, Book Of Lies

Those antique volumes are reminders that some ancient spells are still potent!  There are some books that you shouldn't read unless you have guidance, and then there are some books that you shouldn't read, EVER!  Dispose of all hazardous magic properly, and don't believe everything you read.

A package containing 2 books gets mistakenly delivered.  The kids encounter the power and danger of magically encrusted antique manuscripts when the package accidentally opens.  And, of course, things are never as they seem.

Concepts: hazards of magic, perception of truth
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GRIST Culture Clash

It's been creeping up on us slowly, hardly noticed in the everyday passing of time. More and more of our children are educated in the affairs of the larger world, now most are schooled away from Growlerville. Yet, because this culture evolved from a powerful tribal society, there is a strong awareness of conflicts between the teachings and values of the educated world, and the beliefs and customs of the tribe. So as time goes by, we are made more and more aware of a great divide amongst us, seemingly a universal conflict between the old and the new, made more urgent by the nature of this place. In a modern world where the old is readily replaced by the new and improved, it is good to remember that things often happen differently in Growlerville.

Consider the current battle over the jurisdiction of cultural artifacts. When archaeologists discovered the whereabouts of the Urn of the Imposimazoo, they assumed they would be quickly granted the right to dig up and study this historic find. But instead of welcoming the efforts of the scientists, the Elders immediately filed a petition to enjoin the excavation. Before a packed Huhu Authority, the archaeologists argued the benefits of scientific research, while the Elders appealed for spiritual reasons. According to the grandfathers, the Imposimazoo site has been identified as a sacred entombment by the hieroglyphs found there.

As we all know, the Elders lost this effort. The excavation proceeded. The scientists uncovered a deep pocket cut into the stone. At the bottom, held closed by huge, intentionally positioned boulders, was the fabled Urn, covered with hieroglyphs and sealed with clay. When it was released from this entombment, and the hieroglyphics understood, the Elders again petitioned to not only enjoin, but also to respect the wishes of the Ancients who had buried the Urn. Their message, written all over the Urn, was a warning to not break the seal, and to return the Urn to its intentionally prepared containment tomb. It warned of a great hazard from "a creature which has both no form and all forms, which is both harmless and disastrous."

Throughout our lives, beginning in nursery school, we have all been told the unfathomable stories of the Imposimazoo. We have all sung the words and we have all wondered what they meant: "a creature of no form and all forms." It is part of our mythology, and so when the scientists realized what they had found, they were extremely eager to see first hand the mythological Imposimazoo. They wanted to study it, perhaps find ways to understand it. On the other hand, the Elders were appalled and angered. Although they put up a fight - filed legal actions and picketed the site - they ultimately lost this battle to the curiosity of their educated descendants, and to the overwhelming media circus created to help sell the excavation. We all know how badly this turned out. Growlerville was quarantined, and taken to the edge of civil disorder before being miraculously saved by the Dutchess.

Now there is another looming conflict with a striking similarity to the Imposimazoo incident. Because of that earlier disaster, the Elders successfully lobbied for the creation of a new Cultural Commission, which would give them a greater say in any matters regarding the study of culturally important artifacts. Legally, they had obtained significant preemptive powers to enforce tribal protocols, and the Elders seemed pleased that they could prevent exploitation or misuse of their cultural heritage.

But soon a forbidden artifact appeared in the media, earning money for its owner as he demonstrated its amazing ability - to create distrust, and disorder as a result. The dark power of this object is that it causes the reader to believe the book, which suggests that everyone else is lying. Supposedly created by Oldold as a practical joke on his unfortunate friends, several copies have been known to exist. The object in question, one of the Libri Falsi, or Book of Lies, is clearly on the list of dangerous artifacts. In fact, the Huhu Authority had recently voted unanimously to destroy by flushing any existing copies. This after experiencing a humiliating session which, because of the presence of a Book of Lies in the legislative chambers, degenerated into a name calling match, ending only when all members resigned in anger.

So the Cultural Commission expected no objection to the exercise of its new authority when it asked that this now circulating Book of Lies be handed over to be dealt with according to its mandate. But the owner refused to comply. As if this wasn't bad enough, the archaeologists then partnered with the owner, their lawyers arguing that the artifact was found on private property, beyond the jurisdiction of the new Cultural Commission.

This is where it stands. Once again the Elders are being thwarted by their educated descendants, the lawyers and the scientists. And so, while evidence of this culture clash is making itself obvious, there is still no protection for the average citizen. The well intentioned Cultural Commission is paralyzed as the deep pockets of outside interests spin the wheels of our courts on jurisdictional matters, enabling a known danger to continue to threaten our environment. In the mean time, there is a lot of yelling to be heard in the vicinity of the lab, and progress on legal matters has pretty much ground to a halt. Anyone see a silver lining here?

Have comment on this story? Email us:
gz @ growler.com
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The website now has 29 age appropriate crossword puzzles? (and more coming!)
Go here: The Growler Tapes Crossword

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AMAZING HUHU FACTS (GR5 Book Of Lies)

Fact: Sometimes a lie is the only way to communicate the truth.

The acknowledged founder of our current magic based culture is Oldold, our ancestor and master of unseen forces. This prolific genius created huge numbers of magically encrusted items: magic jewelry, magic clothing, magic food, and even magic music.
Interestingly, Oldold was a handcrafter of many moods. Although most of his work involved helping others, magic historians say that a large number of his magic objects were created as practical jokes and tricks on his unfortunate friends. Among the more dangerous relics was a magically encrusted volume entitled Book Of Lies. He must have been in quite foul a mood when he made this one. If you open it, you are charmed into believing the book, which lies. This causes you to think everyone else is lying and you end up trusting no one. You are compelled to believe the opposite of what you are being told, and so, if you are under the influence of the book, the only way to communicate the truth to you is to lie. Book Of Lies was considered so devastatingly dangerous that the Huhu Authority voted UNANIMOUSLY to flush it! UNANIMOUSLY!
    And that's an amazing Huhu fact!
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THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST by Mr. E.

If you can't afford to fall asleep, don't close your eyes, not even to blink. I passed out the instant I relaxed on the bed, and as a result, I'm behind on a most important news event. Now I'm playing catch-up.

By the time I get to the Crisis Center, the only one there is security, and he just came on. Still, he knows more than I do. He tells me that it finally happened. "It's all over the radio. They all quit. Every last one of them!" He is speaking of the Elected Representatives to the Huhu Authority. Someone brought a banned book into the chambers, and it caused a massive upheaval. I apparently missed the biggest political story of the year! I can't believe it. My editor is not going to like this.

But before I can get too depressed, I hear sounds of a major altercation nearby. Yelling. Screaming. Someone has lost it. It's happening at the theater, right across the street. A children's movie is playing. I arrive along with a policewoman who has been called to the scene. The manager zeroes in on her and immediately says, "Get those cheaters out of there. They all snuck in without paying. Look!" He is holding up a large cloth handbag - a beautiful antique. She takes it, nods and asks how many snuck in. He says all but two. She pulls out her wallet and pays him for all their tickets and walks into the crowded theater. The rowdy behavior immediately ceases and when it gets quiet enough, she says without smiling, "You all know why I'm here." She holds up the antique bag, and a definite hush can be sensed. "Please raise your hand if you bought tickets for this show." Only 2 hands go up. "Everyone else must come forward and apologize to the manager. I will let you go with a warning this time, but if you are ever again caught stealing services, I will have to contact your parents, because it is a crime. What if your family owned this theater. Would you want everyone to sneak in without paying?" Embarrassed, they form an orderly line and begin their apologies. They are expecting to have to leave when the manager announces that their tickets have been paid for. A cheer goes up and they reenter the theater. But by this time, I am out on the street trying to keep up with this policewoman, who has become my hero. I want to ask her about that bag, which she confiscated, and now resides in her backpack.

"Hi, It's Bebe. So what's up?" I stupidly think she is speaking to me and I'm almost about to start a conversation... "It's resolved. Got a Bottomless out of it." Her communication technology is perfectly concealed. "What kind of complaint? Millions of them! Eeeuuuu!" She notices that I'm trying to interact and motions me to follow her. "This might be one for sanitation, Janine. Prof. Growler? I'm on it." I very awkwardly introduced myself and we're off and running.

Never realized how busy you can be as a police officer in Growlerville. Bebe explains to me that it's been getting worse and worse at so rapid a clip that they're going to have to double the force just to handle the paperwork. Although my mind is on that antique handbag, I can see that it's going to have to wait. Through her answers to my questions and by overhearing her speaking to Janine, the dispatcher, I learn that her immediate destination is a place called 1A, one of the most prestigious labs conducting encrusted research under the supervision of the famous Prof. Growler. This is an environmental enforcement call - several complaints were filed this morning about a huge number of insects seen on the premises. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to mind me tagging along.

I am very excited about the prospect of meeting Prof. Growler. He is a resident genius and dean of the post graduate research group at the School of Magic. He is best known as the creator of the Magic Qualification Examination, recently adapted by the new Licensing Commission in an effort to regulate some really dangerous stuff. He is one of the rare old timers who supports the anti-magic candidacy of Growler Fred for a seat on the Huhu Authority, even though the professor is an expert practitioner. As we get closer, I recognize the fleet of white trucks parked on the lot, and hanging around drinking coffee are the big guys with mirrored sunglasses and visors who chased me away from the industrial lot just outside of town. The large loading dock has "1A" in huge letters.

"Hey, Bebe! You're the champ! But watch out for that media man! Can't be trusted." These guys are very friendly with her, and very hostile towards me. "Gotta see the Professor," is all she says. We get taken through a door on the loading platform, through a storage area with huge boxes and machines, and into the main lab. Prof. Growler is standing in the hallway.

"Bebe, so nice of you to visit." He is extremely polite in a scary way. He looks at me suspiciously, and Bebe asks if he would rather I leave. "I don't mind, as long as he reports the truth. It's him spreading harmful, false rumors - that's the only problem I could have with him." I am introduced, but he only refers to me in the third person, even as he makes eye contact with me. Bebe gets down to business, "I'm investigating complaints of insects..." The professor cuts her off, "Of course, you are! Hahahaaaaw!" He looks directly at me and adds, "All those nosey busybodies out there poking around in the affairs of others... They're freaking out on bugs now?"

I am getting very creeped out by this treatment. Does he know me? Did I do something to insult him? Bebe steps in, "I'm supposed to make sure there is no danger of infestation..." Again he cuts her off, "Hahahahahaha! Danger of infestation! Hahahaha!" His laugh give me chills. I just want out of here. Then he points to a doorway labeled Temporal Vortex. I remember that term from the museum, but not its context. We enter another lab area - it's full of researchers and equipment. Walking all the way back to the loading docks, we enter a construction lab, and an assistant motions for the workers to stop. I can hear crickets chirping madly in the next room. Prof. Growler has a smirk on his face, looks me directly in the eye and says, "So I guess he thinks he knows what's going on from this little bit of knowledge, or does he think it's evidence? Some of his people think they saw some bugs, now he thinks he hears them, and bang! We're guilty of bug a boo environmental crimes..." Saved again by Bebe, "You do realize that if you're doing research involving insects, you have to apply for permission, and there is no record of such a filing..." He opens the door and inside we can see a floor covered with crickets, glistening and moving all over each other. Their sound is deafening.

This looks bad for Prof. Growler. Guess someone on his staff just forgot to file those papers. And it's definitely not the kind of thing you want to see in your neighborhood. But as we get closer, he hits a switch and suddenly it's quiet. He shut off the crickets! "You see, Bebe. As you probably suspected, no danger of infestation!" Now he's glaring at me and there is no escape, "Let this be a lesson to him who is so eager to jump to a bad conclusion about the business of others, in the name of selling stories! He will hopefully report it properly this time! I'm counting on you, Bebe, to not allow anyone to snoop around in here too much and learn our research secrets. I risk losing my competitive edge by being so open, but I don't want anyone to think we are breaking laws. Now... I am a busy man... Thank you for your visit, my lovely. Perhaps next time you will not be burdened so." And he is gone.

What a relief. We walk over to get close to the bugs. It's amazing. Thousands, maybe millions of fake crickets, just like the one in my pocket. Not only does the sound seem genuine, but every bug is mounted on a frame that moves to make them look incredibly real. I give myself a dope slap. This one happened right before my eyes, and I missed it completely. These are the bugs in the crate I saw outside town. The question is: What is he doing with massive amounts of rubber crickets and all this equipment to make them appear real?

After much persuading, Bebe is allowing me to buy her lunch. We're sitting at an outdoor table at Elma's Munch. She has no idea what kind of research the professor is doing. "The only ones I know who try to make fake bugs look real are fishermen. Perhaps he's going fishing." Bebe is brilliant. Of course he's going fishing. For Timefish.

Next time: More on the portable hole, the Timefish, a familiar audio anomaly, and a conversation with Growler Louise.
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THE BENEFITS OF BEING ANNOYING (From Oldold's personal record)

Read this most enlightening correspondence: The master of the
counterintuitive argues that being annoying can reap personal
rewards, while his daughter argues the other side. (on the website)
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UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK KNOCK CITY

Knock knock.
Who's there? Botany.
Botany who? Botany good jellybeans lately?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Deny.
Deny who? Denight is when destars shine.

Knock knock.
Who's there? Sammy.
Sammy who? Sam me or you in this picture?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Wanda.
Wanda who? Wanda why you keep forgetting to clean your room.

Click here for the big collection of knock-knock jokes from Uncle Huhu: More Knocks
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Other recommended stories:
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GROWLER RADIO 21, Bottomless Bag

Everyone's looking for Grandma Huhu. Students enrolled in
Time Manipulation 101 reported her missing when she failed to
show for morning lecture. Their greatest fear is that she might
be stuck somewhere unknown in time, which would be a big
problem. But the actual problem is in fact much, much bigger.

When you see butterflies flying into a Bottomless Bag, you
probably should investigate. This bag is bigger on the inside than
the outside, so it holds a LOT!  The kids get a peek into the past,
have a first hand experience with Fast Fingers, and get on the
wrong side of Growler Fred.

Concepts: Time manipulation, dimensionality.

Revisits: T-9, magic safety issues, Fast Fingers.
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GROWLER RADIO 26, Timefish

The Timefish evolved the ability to create an opening in time
called a temporal vortex, through which they can travel to other
timezones in search of better survival conditions. But is this
temporal vortex a dangerous place for the Baby Huhu? And what
is Prof. Growler doing with all those fake crickets?

An organization called EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society)
has been protesting the exploitation of encrusted animals by
scientists. They've even infiltrated Prof. Growler's project.
The kids get caught up in a weird experiment, and then lead a last
ditch rescue effort.

Concepts: (1) The temporal vortex, where time does not pass, and a
species that travels through time to find the best conditions for
survival. (2) A thriving species comprised of one, sterile individual.

The Growlerville Tourist column in a past issue of GrowlerZone has a
brief descriptive on Timefish: GZ nov 2000
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GROWLER RADIO 27, All Things Being Equal

During a renovation of Oldold's historic residence, a sealed
basement room was discovered and opened. During the next
rainstorm, weird purple fires started popping up everywhere. Then
citizens started having trouble making up their minds. To top it off,
there's an anti-magic candidate running in the election.

It looks like a green, powdery mold, but it's something much
more devastating. It's the essence of the encrusted phenomena
Oldold created and named All Things Being Equal, and you'd better not
get any on you. Of course, the kids get it all over them and learn
that too much equality can be a bad thing.

Concepts: The notion of equality pushed to the extreme.

Revisits: The political struggle for Growlerville.
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THE HUHU'S WHO'S WHO (from the website)

Want to reference a character in Growlerville? Anyone who's anyone is in this book.
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All Growler stories are available on both audiocassettes & CDs.

To order tapes, CDs or a catalog, call 1-800-GROWLER or click here: Order Form

* FREE SHIPPING on orders received through June 2003 *

Purchase orders accepted from libraries and schools.
Info for schools & libraries Discounts on full sets
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To read more about available Growler tapes/CDs:

The Growler Tapes (Classic Series) I-IV

Growler Radio 1-27


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