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"I tried to get to the future, but ended up in the pasture." (Oldold)
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In this issue:

- - DEAR GROWLERZONE: Feedback forum

- - GROWLER RADIO: GR7

- - GRIST: What is it with reality?

- - AMAZING HUHU FACTS: Studying the refuse of the ancients

- - THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST: Into the temporal vortex

- - ALMOST RANDOM: Stuff to make you cringe with thought

- - UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK-KNOCK CITY: More silliness from a pro
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Baby Growlers 1 for ages 2-6 Available now on cd
       
Songs, silliness, and fun for the littlest Growlers among us. Baby Growlers is a music
driven listening experience featuring our famously unusual characters singing and
cavorting in Growlerville. The message is pure fun with a solid groove, produced with
an eclectic palette of instruments and sounds that create a world your baby will
relate to from the first listen. Listen to samples online: Baby Growlers
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DEAR GROWLERZONE

Dear Mr. Growler,
I think you goofed. You have this fine puzzle in GrowlerZone issue# 11:
Fill in the blanks to spell the 2 word title of a Growler story:
i__i_i_i_i__ __i_i_
Did you make a mistake or are you trying to fool us? Your Buddy.

Dear Your Buddy,
No goof. Hint: one of the 31 Growler titles. Ask your Mom
for help and email back if you still can't get it.
(hint: _NV_S_B_L_TY CR_S_S) GZ


Dear GrowlerZone,
I notice a lot of references to the Theory of Opposites in Growler
stories, and I finally think I get it. It's so cool it's hot, so true yet so
false. I'm a firm believer who has absolutely no faith. EileenDover

Dear EileenDover,
Thank you for your awful yet quite wonderful email. There's
info more here: Philosophy


Dear GrowlerZone,
I have noticed that I am becoming more and more anonymous
everyday. It's not that I mind it, but I wondered if you have heard
any other such complaints? I don't think I am crazy, but I have
been wrong before. 2DogDay

Dear 2DogDay,
We have been deluged with letters like yours. Though they
seem to focus on different personal observations, they all
appear to be related to the suspected reality tampering
scandal that is discussed by QB Snifs in Grist, below. GZ

Got questions or comments? Let's hear from you.
gz @ growler.com Put "Dear GrowlerZone" on the subject line.
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GROWLER RADIO 7, Summer Snow

    Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it.  No one, that is, until Growler Louise and the Dutchess stumbled onto a powerful new enchantment.  But you know how it is when you experiment with magic - sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're not.

    It's a heat wave, and it looks like a storm is brewing.  But those clouds are flashing!  The radio says Growlerville is completely buried under snow, and it's still snowing!  The kids get permission to play with the stuff in the Magic Shop, but not everyone believes them.

    Concepts: usefulness of encrusted refuse
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GRIST        Could someone be tampering with reality?         by QB Snifs

    For the past week, evidence has been mounting that the reality rumors are true, that somehow reality is being altered, intentionally or not. When I first heard the story 10 days ago, I thought it was philosophical garbage. What could it mean to have a manipulated reality? It didn't make sense. It was so far fetched, too ridiculous for consideration. But during the last week, my mind has changed. I am now confident that something has most definitely altered the reality I was accustomed to. And it's not just me. By now, most of the citizens of Growlerville have been convinced of the same certainty. Yet we have no real proof, except that which lies in the observation of events that, after they pass, seem to have significance beyond the natural order. In other words, we have lots of weird evidence. It is evidence that is logically frail, yet insistent and compelling. It is evidence that appears weak, subjective and coincidental upon rational examination, but still strongly supportive and suggestive of an altered reality when seen in another context. But I'm getting way ahead of myself...

    The rumors can be traced to the Recipe Slam, a funky downtown poetry reading night spot. Two weeks ago, at the Friday open mic, one of the new, hot poets, Sister Sammy, did a freestyle performance so powerful that everyone in the club was mesmerized. The unwritten, improvised outburst spoke a warning to those who would make comfortable assumptions regarding our reality. It was a paranoid scream, a tirade against the untoward forces tampering with the order of things. "Something's very wrong with Reality, as she is now a prisoner!" she espoused. In the ways in which words can be woven to expose an unseen truth, this poet's ephemeral work was a masterpiece. A frightening question arises that really needs addressing: Was this possibly an encrusted performance? But again, I'm getting ahead of myself...

    From there, the talk traversed the grapevine in every direction. I first heard the story from a complete stranger while waiting for a table at Olaf's, and it made me laugh out loud. By a week ago, the reality chatter was everywhere. For a while it was written off as one more silly fad of the intellectuals in Magictown. Probably a guerilla marketing campaign for a new film or book. Philosophical dinner conversation about the nature of reality. Chat room chat. Elevator banter. Loose talk.

    But today scientists, professors, educators, and researchers are pointing out troubling observations in the fabric of traditional knowledge. Mathematics becomes problematical. Proofs are unproven. Sound arguments become unsound. Logic appears to be breaking down on a massive scale. Although widely reported in the media, no one really understands the exact nature of the problem. But they know there is a problem. And they know the condition continues to worsen.

    And then there are those few still in denial, who think this is all an incredible practical joke blown out of proportion, a fertile seed that, by circumstance, fell into an ideal environment that nurtured it into a meanspirited monstrosity of public concern. This is a town, after all, that does believe in magic, and may be a bit more paranoid as a result. Businesses are paying close attention to the recent falloff in the tourist trade, and associating it with the rumors. No one wants to be caught up in something that can't be understood. So in some respects we're all hoping that the nonbelievers are right, that it's just an encrusted trick or something, and is about to blow over.

    The one thing this experience proves to us is that most citizens of Growlerville believe it is actually possible to alter reality. They know it's not only possible, but it has also happened here before. And once you know that, you become suspicious on levels you never thought possible in a non-encrusted world. Somebody's probably trying to do it right now, because there are an infinite number of reasons to want to. In fact, throughout history, altering reality in Growlerville has been the primary objective of the encrusted practitioner. So we've got lots of experience to make us nervous.

    Perhaps, as someone reading this, you may think that this situation is explainable as a normal reality in which some sort of mass psychosis, or paranoia has taken hold. But is that a normal reality? See what I mean? It's more of that frail evidence I spoke of before which can be so easily discounted. This article itself is such evidence. I am writing a column in which I am stating that I am convinced that the order of things has been altered in some unknown way. Would such article ever be written in a normal reality? It goes on and on. We are experiencing a series of unexplainable events that lead us to only one conclusion: Something really is wrong with reality.

    As momentum gathers behind this incredible issue, the government is being drawn in, and the impact being measured. And the pollsters only reinforce the common knowledge. Last week, in response to the question, "Do you believe that reality has been tampered with?" the response was 54% yes, 27% no, and 19% undecided. By a factor of two to one, citizens feel something's fishy, yet no one has a clue what to do about it. This week, the political activist veteran, Growler Fred, picked up on the concerns he identified as "scary," and promised to do something. What exactly he will do to address this unidentifiable menace is yet unknown, but he has suggested that there are those who may have intentionally manipulated reality for their own interests, and that these folks pose a new kind of danger to our society. He is proposing a new policy he's calling "reality management," which will help identify the problem and propose solutions. To me, this is just more of that weird evidence.

Have comment on this story? Email us:
gz @ growler.com Put "Grist" on the subject line.
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THE MAGIC QUALIFICATION EXAM

    Take the Magic Qualification Exam. The Huhu Authority recently ruled that all
those seeking a license to practice must meet certain minimum requirements,
including a passing score on this examination. This is a copy of last year's
exam. The Magic Qualification Examination

    All fees collected in the licensing process are used to compensate the victims of encrusted disasters through the Victims Of Magic Fund.
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AMAZING HUHU FACTS (GR7 Summer Snow)

    Fact: There is much to be learned by studying the refuse created by the ancients. 

    Ancient Huhu practiced infinite variations of magical experiments using the naturally occurring magic so abundantly available to them. Some of these experiments yielded great advances for the society. But most magic experiments resulted in what we now call magically encrusted waste.

    The Never Stop is a good example. Discarded as uncontrollable and useless by the ancients, modern Huhu have discovered new and powerful uses for it.   Put some in the water of your waterbed, and get a perpetual massage. They'll also unclog your drains and keep your pillows fluffed. New uses are being found every day!   And so we learn that ancient waste while sometimes dangerous, can, at other times, be incredibly useful.

    And that's an amazing Huhu fact!
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growler.com now has over 2.5 hours of streaming audio. Listen to samples from
every story as well as hidden audio (click the images).
Start here: The Growler Tapes
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THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST              by Mr. E.

    The meadow below is being used for some kind of experiment. And it's clear from her quick departure, that Growler Louise has something to do with all this. Bebe's being told by dispatch that complaints are now flooding into the Growlerville Police Station of huge numbers of bugs loose in the town meadow. "Tell them they're only fake crickets, rubber ones, not live bugs... Yeah, it's true, I can see them right now. Prof. Growler is doing something with artificial insects. I don't think that's illegal..."

    This is incredible! I run down toward the field to get a closer look at the rubber crickets. They look even more realistic in the sunlight. I can hear them, and am looking for the speakers, when a couple of technicians walk onto the bugs. All the fake insects are moving in a very lifelike manner, except for one panel. The techs wave their arms, looking up the other side of the hill, and all the motion stops. And then, when the sound stops, I can hear Bebe far behind me, up on the road, calling. She's leaving. I yell back that I want to stay to see what's going on here, and that I will catch up with her later. I head closer to the meadow.

    The techs are still working on the grid holding the crickets, and are not aware of me, even as I approach. I stand behind a large tree just off the meadow and listen. They are talking on a communication system to someone unseen. "Applying cricket extract... Preparing for trap test..." They are spraying a mist from some metal canisters onto the rubber bugs, then move away from them. "Testing the trap... ready? On 3. Ready? 1, 2, 3..." In a flash, four sides and the top of a huge cube-shaped net rise and lock into place directly over the rubber bugs. The techs applaud, reset the trap, and walk back up the hill, periodically checking a huge bundle of cables laid between the lower meadow and some control point on the hill.

    I lag behind, but follow them up to a clearing, where I see a fleet of white pickup trucks, the ones with the "Fred Forever" bumper stickers. The tailgates are down, and equipment is everywhere. Prof. Growler is there telling everyone in a very urgent voice that he expects them to be back in one hour sharp. The technicians and the professor pile into a couple of trucks, and head to town, probably for lunch. I cautiously approach the equipment, amazed at the technical feat involved in this enterprise. On the ground, I notice several empty boxes of something called Nothing. The warning on the empty boxes is quite entertaining, "Never use this Nothing without an ample supply of Nothing Remover close at hand." What is this stuff? My mind is frying on the ideas of Nothing and Nothing Remover, but I am startled back from my compulsive daydream by a friendly voice, "Are you...?" I realize he thinks I'm someone else, and my silent smile convinces him even more. "Great. We've got a little less than an hour to do this..."

    I am in the company of Brother Huhu. Without me saying so, he thinks I am from his organization, EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society), who are protesting this experiment. He is a radical who has infiltrated the research group in order to sabotage Prof. Growler's experiment out of respect for the Timefish. It seems that when the Timefish travel through time, they create an opening, the temporal vortex, that Dr. Growler wishes to study. The vortex remains open as long as the Timefish remain in your timezone, so the trap is a way of keeping the vortex open for study. Pretty ingenious. Brother Huhu's plan is to insert a timing limitation on the trap. It will automatically disassemble after a specified time period, enabling the Timefish to escape.

    And now I understand why Prof. Growler is going to go fishing. His crickets are exact replicas, a very specialized bait, a species mimicked for one quality - the ability to attract Timefish. I remember learning about the Timefish in the museum. This is a creature that travels through time in search of better survival conditions. And back at his lab, I saw a whole research section devoted to the temporal vortex. It's an incredible experiment. I'm really impressed, not only by the brilliant Prof. Growler, but also by the determination of this young protester. Something about his plan concerns me. When I ask Brother Huhu if anyone can get hurt because of his sabotage, he shrugs his shoulders and says he hopes not. Timefish have rights, you know.

    With some quick strokes on the keypad, the fix is in, and Brother Huhu's devious software piggyback is embedded into the sequencing protocols. We drink a congratulatory toast of Dry Water (another amazing substance) for mission success, and I ask more questions. According to Prof. Growler's notes, his intention is to enter the vortex with his equipment. He wants to test his theory that within the vortex, time does not pass. I'm not sure what that means, but I am very interested in learning more. Does that mean he will enter a different timezone? Will he be able to travel with the Timefish? There are no ready answers, but I am realizing that I have stumbled onto one of the greatest stories of my career.

    Brother Huhu's getting nervous and I can see the trucks in the distance headed back here, so I choose to head back toward the meadow. I want to get out of sight and find a good view of the experiment. According to the saboteur, the experiment happens the first thing after lunch. I find a ringside seat and wait.

    When the crickets start up, I scan the area, looking for evidence of the Timefish. For a long while, nothing happens. Then I hear rejoicing from Prof. Growler. His sensors have apparently detected his prey. Within a short time, I hear a deep buzzing sound I associate with high tension electricity. Then I get my first glimpse of the incredible flying Timefish. It appears to be a large school (We have since learned that it's really a single individual that has rejoined itself numerous times from many different timezones until it looks like a school!). It's streaming out of a cave-like opening in the side of a house on the edge of the meadow. This is just like the museum display, hundreds of beautiful Timefish circling the meadow at treetop level. They are definitely attracted by the artificial lure of Prof. Fisherman. Wow. Then, as if on cue, they come down to feed. When the first one touches the fake crickets, the trap flies up around almost the entire school. A cheer can be heard from the researchers.

    I run over to examine the gateway used by these Timefish. The temporal vortex appears as a cavernous opening in three dimensional space. It sits along side a private house, appearing to go into it. It's big, almost as big as the house itself. Faint whistling sounds mixed with the electric buzzing can be heard in the distance. Looking in, there appears to be a meadow like this one inside the opening. I am trying to get up the courage to enter it, when suddenly Prof. Growler angrily yells, "Hey!" I instinctively run into the vortex to get away. The moment I enter, I no longer hear his voice. Looking back, I see him frozen in the middle of his rant, his mouth distorted grotesquely. Inside, there is the constant sensation of a dream state. The colors are not as vivid, things appear distorted and larger than life, but other than that, it is a familiar place. From inside, the vortex opening back to real time looks like a cave opening, just like it does from the other side. From each side, you appear to be outside of the same cave. I quickly dart back to Prof. Growler, but when I exit the vortex, his yelling picks up right where he left off, and he's very loud, so I jump back into the vortex, and I can see him once again frozen in time on the other side. His theory seems to be true - time does not pass in here. I am experiencing the stopping of time. And it is very cool.

    I'm thinking about whether it's possible to get stuck in this temporal vortex. This thing closes when the Timefish fly back into it as they go toward another timezone. But since I can see the Timefish stuck in the trap, frozen in time like Prof. Growler, I know that won't happen until time starts again, that is, when I leave. So I'm quite safe in here. I hear some faint laughter behind the house. Who could be in here? After carefully noting the location of the vortex, so that I am confident I can find my escape route, I walk behind the house. Everything looks huge. When I come upon a pair of sneakers, it's so huge I can barely peek into over the side. I've got to be careful I don't get stepped on - there may be giants in here.

Next time: More on the temporal vortex, the saboteur, some giant strawberries, and a dangerous substrate From the Forbidden Zone called Toxic Obnoxic.
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AMAZING HUHU FACTS

Amazing Huhu Facts. Excerpted from various Growler Radio programs.
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ALMOST RANDOM:

Can you perish anything other than a thought?

Meet the gambler, Bigger, the bettor

Asia said Europe to no good.

4 PM comes before 6 PM.
But why does 12 PM come before 6 PM?

Every day, try to find something that doesn't exist.

Don't settle for ordinary confusion, for you deserve better.
Seek a confusion that exists at a higher level - a profound confusion.
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UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK KNOCK CITY

Knock knock.
Who's there? Bottomless.
Bottomless who? Bottom lessons in tennis for his birthday?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Didjeridoo.
Didjeridoo who? Did you redo all that you had done?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Xavier.
Xavier who? Xavier breath and stop complaining.

Knock knock.
Who's there? Minnie.
Minnie who? Minnie have tried and many have failed.

Click here for the big collection of knock-knock jokes from Uncle Huhu:
More Knocks
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Other recommended stories that relate to this issue of GrowlerZone:
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GROWLER RADIO 14, Nothing For Christmas

    It's snowing on Christmas Eve, there are lots of presents under the tree, Grandma & Grandpa are coming, and life couldn't be better.  But wait.  The early warning system detected a potentially dangerous release of magic into the environment.  It was an accident, but will Growlerville ever be the same again?

    Fun in the backyard snowballs into adventure and mystery as the kids stumble into a developing crises.  A giant Santa and some crushed presents are clues to the unexplainable force that seems to have taken control.  And then there's this stuff called Nothing that everyone wants for Christmas.

Concepts: Idea of nothing, and nothing remover. Issues of encrusted waste management.
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GROWLER RADIO 6, Dry Water

    Messing with natural forces almost always creates unexpected side effects.  Dr. Growler convinced the Huhu Authority to let him extract wetness factor from the water in the stream. It makes the water feel good, taste good, and doesn't harm the environment. So what's the problem?

    Something's happening to the stream.  From a quick glance, it's hard to notice anything different, but things have definitely changed. The Huhu already know about Dr. Growler & his machine, and they WANT him to change their water! Until they discover the consequences.

Concepts: Consequences of the removal of the wetness factor from water.

Revisits: Project No Night.
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GROWLER RADIO 26, Timefish

    The Timefish evolved the ability to create an opening in time
called a temporal vortex, through which they can travel to other
timezones in search of better survival conditions. But is this
temporal vortex a dangerous place for the Baby Huhu? And what
is Prof. Growler doing with all those fake crickets?

    An organization called EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society)
has been protesting the exploitation of encrusted animals by
scientists. They've even infiltrated Prof. Growler's project.
The kids get caught up in a weird experiment, and then lead a last
ditch rescue effort.

Concepts: (1) The temporal vortex, where time does not pass, and a
species that travels through time to find the best conditions for
survival. (2) A thriving species composed of one, sterile individual.

The Growlerville Tourist column in a past issue of GrowlerZone has a
brief descriptive on Timefish: GZ nov 2000. Also this: Timefish
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THE HUHU'S WHO'S WHO

Want to reference a character in Growlerville? Anyone who's anyone is in this book.
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All Growler stories are available on both audiocassettes & CDs.

To order tapes, CDs or a catalog, call 1-800-GROWLER or click here: Order Form

Purchase orders accepted from libraries and schools.
Info for schools & libraries Discounts on full sets.
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To read more about Growler tapes/CDs:

Baby Growlers 1-4 ages 2-6

The Growler Tapes (Classic Series) I-IV0

Growler Radio 1-27

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The easy gift: GROWLER GIFT CERTIFICATES. Let them choose the stories.
Your message, certificate, sent anywhere.

All 31 Growler Programs are available on both CDs & tapes
1-800-GROWLER ORDER FORM Discounts on sets.
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