The Real Growlerville 14: Victimized By Imposimazoo
(A first hand account by investigative journalist, Mr. E)
Are You a Victim of Imposimazoo?
These days it seems like lots of folks in Growlerville are victims of Imposimazoo. See my most recent post on that pesky encrusted creature called Imposimazoo. Or visit the Imposimazoo Pavilion at the Growlerville Museum .
I'm being held in a caged detention area in Enforcement on the 6th Floor of the Huhu Authority building. There's an annoying fellow named Sammy in here with me. He is ranting about being innocent, and is going on and on about the existence of a government cover-up. He is accused of stealing an egg of the Imposimazoo.
Sammy claims that he stole nothing, that it took the form of his keys.
"It wasn't a theft! I was tricked into thinking it was my keys!"
The phones in the precinct start lighting up. It's really incredible, every few seconds another call. From the responses of the detectives, citizens are reporting sightings of the Imposimazoo all over Growlerville.
So the mythical little bugger is loose and wreaking havoc everywhere, and I'm just starting to get a glimpse of what the consequences are.
I wish I could get out of lockup and start hunting this story down. As if reading my mind, the head security officer opens the cage, tells us we may leave, and thanks us for cooperating in this investigation.
After Sammy sounds off about the unjust detention of innocents, the security officer reminds us that they are only doing their job in an effort to protect the general public, and asks us to report any information we come across that could help to end this emergency.
He gives me back my belongings in a paper bag, and walks away in a manner that discourages me from asking questions.
I quickly check for my wallet, but am flabbergasted to see only one hanky, only one rubber bug, but two wallets - two identical wallets.
When I tell Sammy, he quickly grabs the bag and motions for me to be quiet. But the officer has overheard us and now is questioning me about the wallets.
"If it's contaminated, we'll have to confiscate and quarantine..."
Sammy interrupts him, saying that because I'm a crazy journalist, I always carry two wallets, like every other crazy journalist. The officer miraculously believes him and we are free to go.
"You owe me big time," Sammy whispers.
He's annoying, but useful.
On the way down, questions flood my mind, but I get sidetracked when a crowd of legislators rushes into the already cramped elevator.
I overhear murmurs of an incredible event involving counterfeit money, closed off streets, a meeting of the crisis committee, and other very juicy stuff being bandied about. I am deeply disappointed when the door opens before I can learn more. But as we leave the building, I see that the story has come to me.
The lobby is being set up as a temporary crisis center, with communications equipment and security support all around. The street in front of the building is littered with money.
Guards are keeping crowds away as they cordon off the area with barricades.
Traffic is a mess. It's an amazing sight.
Sammy is shaking his head, grimacing. "This is bad!" he moans. "It's everywhere, even in the bag with your wallet."
Suddenly, I understand what's going on.
This is the reason I was arrested and charged with reckless dispersal. This is the catastrophe that the ancients hoped to spare us with their hieroglyphic warnings.
The translations read like a restatement of the Theory Of Opposites. The ancients describe this mythological creature as both having no form and having all forms, as being both harmless and disastrous.
This is the Imposimazoo. Its reproductive process requires making physical contact with a host. It accomplishes this by altering its appearance to make you want to touch it. Hence the money, my wallet, Sammy's keys.
So how can I tell my real wallet from the Imposimazoo copy?
Sammy shows me an amazing trick, using an empty wide-mouth jar. He manipulates the bag containing the wallets and drops one of them into the jar.
After a short moment, he says, "That's your wallet in the jar! You can take it out, it's safe!"
I take the wallet, and before I can ask what he's doing, he drops the other wallet into the jar. Almost instantly, the wallet changes form, becoming a small, translucent egg. Contained, with nothing to copy, Imposimazoo reverts to its egg form.
I ask Sammy why don't they just contain in jars all the Imposimazoo masquerading as money?
Apparently it's too risky.
It's very likely that the contamination would spread because the Imposimazoo are so clever at mimicking familiar objects. Plus, they reproduce when touched, and there's no way to know when you've touched one.
As he is telling me this, I am completely distracted by what I see. One of Sammy's hands has two thumbs. Gross!
He calmly smiles as he peels it off and puts it in the jar, where it becomes another egg. They're everywhere.
I find myself checking my body.