Growlerville for the most part is a peaceful place. There is very little crime. And so it is understandable that the police and security forces are not a big priority for the community. There are better ways to spend the town's money than on law enforcement, especially if no one is breaking the law. But Growlerville is changing. The huge successes of the encrusted technologies have attracted an element of greed to our innocent village. Large amounts of money and the accompanying temptations require a closer look at this government's ability to deal with unethical behavior. The long standing, do-nothing policy regarding the regulation of our encrusted natural resources is leading us toward ecological and social catastrophe. We have endured disaster after uncontrollable disaster, often exaggerated by the blunders and oversights of the fortune hunters. Most of the newly arrived entrepreneurs are in it only for the money, and are oblivious to any standards of safety or sense of the common good. In this environment, both personal and ecological dangers abound, but the Huhu Authority seems paralyzed, able to act only in response to problems, not to prevent them.

    There are whispers all over town about a dispute that cuts to the core of this new issue for Growlerville. The conservatives who now control the Huhu Authority want to keep the status quo, arguing that business has thrived because of its pro-magic policies, and business is good for Growlerville. But the political insurgency of Growler Fred has created a strange situation in which this anti-magic politician is seen less and less as a lone, radical voice, and more and more like an insightful leader who's time has come. His persistent calls for the regulation of all magic practitioners are now being embraced by a community that wishes it listened to him sooner.

    We all know of the unethical use of the encrusted agent Camouflage to hide waste material dumped in the beautiful woodlands surrounding Growlerville. After an uproar, the government cracked down and forced Skizmo Industries to pay for a complete cleanup. But during the cleanup, they discovered that Growlerville had become more of a dumping ground than anyone expected. A huge amount of garbage was found by officials, ten times the amount Skizmo confessed to dumping. It turned out that many, many companies were also illegally disposing of their waste in the same manner. Because there are no laws requiring responsible uses of encrusted agents, the desecration of our environment had become standard operating procedure for many of the largest corporations in Growlerville. You can make more money by not spending on waste disposal.

    This morning, another wake up call sounded, and someone in the government better be listening. When the archaeologists were showing the press the artifacts discovered at their dig, they noticed that the seal on the Urn Of The Imposimazoo was broken, the location of the eggs unknown. The urn was intact last night. The concerned scientists say that the urn held several eggs in containment and that the sealed vessel was excavated out from under the weight of a large number of huge, intentionally positioned stones, from the bottom of a deep cylindrical pit. The ancients had great fear of the Imposimazoo. The hieroglyphics on the urn are a warning to never unseal it, and a plea to leave it buried in the containment shaft. There are references to an ancient contamination that plagued the ancestors, almost destroying their society before it was neutralized. The remaining hieroglyphs have not yet been interpreted, but the information from our ancestors is already clear: this scary menace is now loose among us and we may all be in great danger of powerful forces beyond our control. What makes this doubly agonizing is that our ancestors had already conquered and contained this plague, making society safe from its influence. That is, until the arrogance of modern scientific curiosity unwittingly enabled a long awaited escape to occur by deliberately ignoring the wisdom of the ancients.

    These recent, terrifying examples demonstrate that the proper management of potentially harmful agents has been too long ignored by our representatives. Our society deserves better protection from our own stupidity. So Fred's idea to regulate magic practitioners is about to become a legislative success. Regulation is coming to Growlerville. But it's too little, too late, according to the Select Committee at Encrusted Watch, the natural forces think tank. There is concern in this elite body that many other violations are ongoing, including the unintentional pollution of our environment by uncontrolled, encrusted waste - the byproducts of manufacturing and experimentation with the new technologies. Recent disappearances of citizens and property, disruptions in the flow of time, and other unexplainable phenomena are thought to be linked to the proliferation of encrusted pollution.

    Now, confronted by numerous, simultaneous disasters, the Authority is panicked, with long time members rushing to embrace positions they argued against a short while ago. The pro-magic representatives are hedging their rhetoric to avoid the appearance of blame. With each new emergency, the hands-off approach to industry is fading fast, and it looks likely that legislation doubling the existing security budget is almost certain to pass in the next session. This is in addition to the new licensing requirements for magic practitioners - expected to be approved by the tiniest margin, over the howls of the traditionalists. Growlerville has become a different place - a little less innocent, and a lot more dangerous. Does anyone out there really feel safe anymore? The pot's been stirred, and the tea is cloudy. Check back later.

Have comment on this story? Email us:
gz @ growler.com
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Are you aware that our website has 24 age appropriate crossword puzzles?
(and more coming!) Go here: The Growler Tapes Crossword Puzzles
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AMAZING HUHU FACTS (addendum to GR3, Way Out)

    Fact: Sometimes a hole is useless without something to put it in.

    Many of the early settlers of Growlerville were drawn here by the news that large quantities of the valuable encrusted mineral T-9 were discovered at the edge of the Forbidden Zone. Early prospectors did not have to dig deep. They found black pools of nearly pure T-9 readily available near the surface. Pressed and rolled out into flat discs, the material demonstrated remarkable properties when placed against solid surfaces, creating an entry or "hole" that could be applied or removed at will. Stories of the incredible "portable hole" traveled like wildfire through the surrounding territories. But the dreams of quick riches faded fast when it became obvious that the purified substance could not be kept in any container. It was, in fact, quite dangerous and many victims disappeared into the unusual openings created inadvertently by uncontained T-9. Sales slumped, and the fledgling T-9 Corporation almost went out of business due to the liability created by their product. For many moons this new industry failed to live up to the expectations of the investors. But all this changed with the development of a material known as No Holes. An inert mineral fiber, No Holes suppresses the dimensional extension capability of T-9, thereby enabling its containment. When T-9 is pressed against this new material, it is unable to form an opening through it. Now the portable hole could be safely stored in containers made from No Holes, and a large part of its danger was ostensibly removed. As a result, a T-9 product called Way Out became a huge seller. A portable hole in the form of a large flat disk, Way Out was rolled up and then sold in No Holes boxes. Later, the No Holes container would take the form of a cloth bag woven from the fiber. Lined with purified T-9, this new improved product was named the Bottomless Bag, and it completely changed the way storage is viewed. With the proper packaging, even a dangerous portable hole can become a safe and effective product.
    And that's an amazing Huhu fact!
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            All 31 Growler Programs are available on both CDs & tapes
            1-800-GROWLER    ORDER FORM     Discounts on sets.

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THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST    by Mr. E.

    I'm being held in a caged detention area in Enforcement on the 6th Floor of the Huhu Authority building. There's an annoying fellow named Sammy in here with me. He is ranting about being innocent, and is going on and on about the existence of a government cover-up. He is accused of stealing an egg of the Imposimazoo. Sammy claims that he stole nothing, that it took the form of his keys. "It wasn't a theft! I was tricked into thinking it was my keys!" He's outraged. The phones in the precinct start lighting up. It's really incredible, every few seconds another call. From the responses of the detectives, citizens are reporting sightings of the Imposimazoo all over Growlerville. So the mythical little bugger is loose and wreaking havoc everywhere, and I'm just starting to get a glimpse of what the consequences are.

    I wish I could get out of lockup and start hunting this story down. As if reading my mind, the head security officer opens the cage, tells us we may leave, and thanks us for cooperating in this investigation. After Sammy sounds off about the unjust detention of innocents, he reminds us that they are only doing their job in an effort to protect the general public, and asks us to report any information we come across that could help to end this emergency. He gives me back my belongings in a paper bag, and walks away in a manner that discourages me from asking questions. I quickly check for my wallet, but am flabbergasted to see only one hanky, only one rubber bug, but two wallets - two identical wallets. When I tell Sammy, he quickly grabs the bag and motions for me to be quiet. But the officer has overheard us and now is questioning me about the wallets. "If it's contaminated, we'll have to confiscate and quarantine..." Sammy interrupts him, saying that because I'm a crazy journalist, I always carry two wallets, like every other crazy journalist. The officer miraculously believes him and we are free to go. "You owe me bigtime," Sammy whispers. He's annoying, but useful.

    On the way down, questions flood my mind, but I get sidetracked when a crowd of legislators rushes into the already cramped elevator. I overhear murmurs of an incredible event involving counterfeit money, closed off streets, a meeting of the crisis committee, and other very juicy stuff being bandied about. I am deeply disappointed when the door opens before I can learn more. But as we leave the building, I see that the story has come to me. The lobby is being set up as a temporary crisis center, with communications equipment and security support all around. The street in front of the building is littered with money. Guards are keeping crowds away as they cordon off the area with barricades. Traffic is a mess. It's an amazing sight. Sammy is shaking his head, grimacing. "This is bad!" he moans. "It's everywhere, even in the bag with your wallet."

    Suddenly, I understand what's going on. This is the reason I was arrested and charged with reckless dispersal. This is the catastrophe that the ancients hoped to spare us with their hieroglyphic warnings. The translations read like a restatement of the Theory Of Opposites. The ancients describe this mythological creature as both having no form and having all forms, as being both harmless and disastrous. This is the Imposimazoo. Its reproductive process requires making physical contact with a host. It accomplishes this by altering its appearance to make you want to touch it. Hence the money, my wallet, Sammy's keys.

    So how can I tell my real wallet from the Imposimazoo copy? Sammy shows me an amazing trick, using an empty wide-mouth jar. He manipulates the bag containing the wallets and drops one of them into the jar. After a short moment, he says, "That's your wallet in the jar! You can take it out, it's safe!" I take the wallet, and before I can ask what he's doing, he drops the other wallet into the jar. Almost instantly, the wallet changes form, becoming a small, translucent egg. Contained, with nothing to copy, it reverts to its egg form.

    I ask Sammy why don't they just contain in jars all the Imposimazoo masquerading as money. Apparently it's too risky. It's very likely that the contamination would spread because the Imposimazoo are so clever at mimicking familiar objects. Plus, they reproduce when touched, and there's no way to know when you've touched one. As he is telling me this, I am completely distracted by what I see. One of Sammy's hands has two thumbs. Gross! He calmly smiles as he peels it off and puts it in the jar, where it becomes another egg. They're everywhere. I find myself checking my body.

    A large black limo pulls up to the barricade and the crowd comes alive. It's the Dutchess of Hu, and expectations are high. Researchers within the educational and industrial communities of Growlerville have been unable to find a reliable way to detect the presence of Imposimazoo, despite the huge effort being made. But the Dutchess, a private practitioner, claims to have developed an encrusted recognition protocol called Smell Identify that can help safely find the Imposimazoo. The enchantment provides the recipient the capability to smell its presence. As she exits her limo, she is immediately taken to the crisis center, set up in the lobby.

    I was hoping she would immediately get to work, but there's been a long delay. It is now dark. Behind the barricades, the crowd has almost doubled in size. Finally, she comes back outside. We observe the Dutchess and two assistants as they walk out onto the street, sniffing, and picking up the money and placing it in jars, where the bills become eggs. Then the scene becomes even more surreal. The three approach the crowd, sniffing and picking up items from the citizens. We are shocked to find we have been carrying this menace all over us! Some have obvious contamination, like those with extra ears, fingers or noses. But a lot of jewelry and clothing are also exposed by the sniffers to be Imposimazoo. When they get to me, I proudly hand them the egg in the jar that once was a wallet. Sniffing at my face, the Dutchess pulls off a phony eyebrow that has wandered above my nose. Yuck! It's embarrassing, even humiliating, but in the end we are contamination free, thanks to the Dutchess' magic smells.

    I'm back in my hotel room. It's late, I'm wiped out, but relieved, and really looking forward to a shower and a good night's sleep. But there's an irritating sound coming from my jacket. As if on cue, my pager is flashing with a short text message: "Crisis Committee called to emergency session. Check it out." I fall back on the bed, and it's a big mistake.

Next time: More on the rubber bug, the Timefish, a book no one should read, and the portable hole.
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GROWLERS ON THE AIR    (This link is updated as new stations sign on.)

In October 2002, a full season of Growler Radio became available as a half hour
program to all broadcasters who wish to carry it. The following is a growing list of stations carrying GROWLER RADIO in the 2002-2003 season:

WKNH 91.3 FM Gilsum, NH Sundays 6:30 PM
KXRJ 91.9 FM Russellville, AR Wednesdays 4:00 PM
WRVO 89.9 FM Oswego, NY Tuesdays, 7:30 PM
WRVJ 91.7 FM Watertown, NY Tuesdays 7:30 PM
WRVN 91.9 FM Utica, NY Tuesdays 7:30 PM
WRVD 90.3 FM Syracuse, NY Tuesdays 7:30 PM
WFUC 90.5 FM Cortland, NY Tuesdays 7:30 PM
WEPS 88.9 FM Elgin, IL Mondays 8:00 AM
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UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK KNOCK CITY

Knock knock.
Who's there? Attitude.
Attitude who? Added two dimes and got twenty cents.

Knock knock.
Who's there? Henna.
Henna who? Henna thing you want.

Knock knock.
Who's there? Statue.
Statue who? Statue or someone else?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Justin.
Justin who? Justin case you forgot.

Click here for more knock-knock jokes from Uncle Huhu: More Knocks
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Other recommended stories::
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GROWLER RADIO 21, Bottomless Bag

Everyone's looking for Grandma Huhu. Students enrolled in
Time Manipulation 101 reported her missing when she failed to
show for morning lecture. Their greatest fear is that she might
be stuck somewhere unknown in time, which would be a big
problem. But the actual problem is in fact much, much bigger.

When you see butterflies flying into a Bottomless Bag, you
probably should investigate. This bag is bigger on the inside than
the outside, so it holds a LOT!  The kids get a peek into the past,
have a first hand experience with Fast Fingers, and get on the
wrong side of Growler Fred.

Concepts: Time manipulation, dimensionality.

Revisits: T-9, magic safety issues, Fast Fingers.
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GROWLER RADIO 26, Timefish

    The Timefish evolved the ability to create an opening in time
called a temporal vortex, through which they can travel to other
timezones in search of better survival conditions. But is this
temporal vortex a dangerous place for the Baby Huhu? And what
is Prof. Growler doing with all those fake crickets?

    An organization called EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society)
has been protesting the exploitation of encrusted animals by
scientists. They've even infiltrated Prof. Growler's project.
The kids get caught up in a weird experiment, and then lead a last
ditch rescue effort.

Concepts: (1) The temporal vortex, where time does not pass, and a
species that travels through time to find the best conditions for
survival. (2) A thriving species comprised of one, sterile individual.

The Growlerville Tourist column in a past issue of GrowlerZone has a
brief descriptive on Timefish: GZ nov 2000
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GROWLER RADIO 27, All Things Being Equal

    During a renovation of Oldold's historic residence, a sealed basement room was
discovered and opened. During the next rainstorm, weird purple fires started
popping up everywhere. Then citizens started having trouble making up their
minds. To top it off, there's an anti-magic candidate running in the election.

    It looks like a green, powdery mold, but it's something much more devastating.
It's the essence of the encrusted phenomena Oldold created and named All Things
Being Equal, and you'd better not get any on you. Of course, the kids get it
all over them and learn that too much equality can be a bad thing.

Concepts: The notion of equality pushed to the extreme.

Revisits: The political struggle for Growlerville.
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Instant Stupidity

New on the website: Learn how easy can be hard. This is a demonstration of
right brain/left brain conflict. Take the Instant Stupidity Exam.
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All Growler stories are now available on both audiocassettes & CDs.

To order tapes, CDs or a catalog: 1-800-GROWLER or Order Form

Purchase orders accepted from libraries and schools.
Info for schools & libraries Discounts on full sets
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A PRICE INCREASE FOR GROWLER TAPES TOOK EFFECT 1 OCTOBER 2002
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To read more about available Growler tapes/CDs:

The Growler Tapes (Classic Series) I-IV

Growler Radio 1-27


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