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"please report all observations of excessive normality." (Oldold)

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In this issue:

- - DEAR GROWLERZONE: Feedback forum

- - GROWLER RADIO: GR6 Dry Water

- - GRIST: The Hidden Coup At The Power Club

- - AMAZING HUHU FACTS: Growlers have always been afraid of the dark

- - THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST: The pieces start to fit

- - MORE INSTANT STUPIDITY: Proof that spelling does not matter

- - UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK-KNOCK CITY: More silliness from a pro
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The easy gift: GROWLER GIFT CERTIFICATES. Let them choose the stories.
Your message, certificate, sent anywhere.

All 31 Growler Programs are available on both CDs & tapes
1-800-GROWLER ORDER FORM Discounts on sets.
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DEAR GROWLERZONE

Dear GrowlerZone,
Help! We can't listen to the audio on your site! I see I need
to download RealPlayer, but can't find it on their site. Any
suggestions are appreciated. Much2Tite

Dear Much2Tite,
The link to the free player is at the bottom our
webpages. Click it. When you get to the Real site, look
for the free player - not the free trial offers. The basic
player is completely free, but you have to search the
page carefully to find it. Download and install. GZ

Dear GrowlerZone,
My kids claim they can make dry water! They can make
it come out of the faucet, but only when I'm not around.
This explains how they can take a bath without making the
tub wet. Who would have known? Mel_F_Lewis

Dear Mel,
Good story, Mel. GZ

Dear GrowlerZone,
I see that one on the questions on the Magic Qualification
Exam is, "How do you go about purchasing items that do not
exist?" I want to buy things that don't exist with money
that doesn't exist (credit card), but can't find any
products. Azi9

Dear Azi9,
You noticed. That's because Growler Louise cleverly
monopolized the market. But the regulators caught on,
and are going to force her to divest. That may help with
this annoying supply problem. Look again in few days. GZ

Got questions or comments? Let's hear from you.
gz @ growler.com
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GROWLER RADIO 6, Dry Water

Messing with natural forces almost always creates unexpected side effects. Dr. Growler persuaded the Huhu Authority to let him extract wetness factor from the water in the stream. It makes the water feel good, taste good, and doesn't harm the environment. So what's the problem?

Something's happening to the stream. From a quick glance, it's hard to notice anything different, but things have definitely changed. The Huhu already know about Dr. Growler & his machine, and they WANT him to change their water! Until they discover the consequences.

Concepts: environmental impact of technological change
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GRIST The Hidden Coup At The Power Club

Overheard at the Harvest Festival: unanimous griping about the new regulations for the encrusted industries. It seems that the membership of the Swine Laurel Country Club is feeling the heat generated by the new laws intended to force companies to be more responsible for both safety and environmental issues involved in the conduct of their encrusted businesses. They don't like it, and they're doing something about it. It's an effort which has united them deeply - one notes that the banners and signs that say "Repeal" have not been taken down after the rally, and were intentionally left up during the Festival, where they would be seen on camera. Normally the quite stuffy Club management permits no such displays.

The amazing thing is that only four seasons ago, the Club rallied support for the movement that brought about these same regulations. It was the many individual business owners who spoke up and acknowledged their own experiences of magic gone bad. The hearings included a huge number of personal testimonials by victims of encrusted catastrophes. The chamber was brought to tears by the testimony of Growler Fred, as he painfully relayed the excruciating details of his numerous, and heroic victimizations at the hands of careless practitioners, compounded by inordinate bad luck. Fred's fervor touched almost everyone back then with his successful campaign for "responsible magic." At the time, Club influence was probably the major factor contributing to the passage of the now reviled legislation.

One might assume, with a complete, 180 degree philosophical turnaround such as this, that some great unseen consequence arose, that a mistake had in fact been made and was now being acknowledged. Perhaps sales plummeted, or the cost of new containment implementation was grossly underestimated, or quality suffered, or productivity... But none of these bad consequences happened. Sales and new product introductions continued to hit new records, and the regulated containment effort created a noticeably safer environment. Of course, the higher standards required by the new regulations did increase costs. But during the early fight for market share, no one wanted to raise prices, and so the bleeding went unchecked for a very long time. Consequently, when it all hit the fan, artificially inflated corporate profits took a huge hit, followed immediately by an accelerated decline in already falling share prices. Markets continued downward as investors dumped their holdings in a rush to get out, only making things worse. The bubble crashed and burned, and the money dried up. Blue chip companies could be had for a song.

And this is where the story of the great Club reversal gets interesting. In the wasteland of declining profits, one enterprise was going the other way. Dr. Growler's EverCool Corp was continuing to amass huge profits as the franchise expanded, and began a program to purchase companies through stock accumulation. An unnamed, high administration official acknowledges that EverCool's acquisition of other companies did not receive the proper scrutiny. It appears to be an honest mistake - EverCool's massive acquisition program, which resulted in a monopoly of the encrusted industries, was given only cursory oversight due to the dire financial state of the markets at the time of the purchases. The general feeling was that the EverCool purchases were providing needed liquidity at a time when no one else was coming forward. No one saw the downside of this decision.

So the market crash, while horrible in its own right, turns out to be only a diversion while a much more frightening development plays out - the subversion of our democratic institutions. Unfortunately, the transactions in which political influence changes hands are invisible to the citizen. But the integrity of our system is questionable if our vote can be influenced by anything other than our will. Is money enough, can everyone be bought, can anyone really attain so much power? We must ask these questions. And because this is Growlerville, there is one more important question: Could some wealthy entity, with not only incredibly deep pockets, but also encrusted powers of persuasion take control?

This place has a monied class, and it's an elite like no other - almost all have been lifelong members of the Club. Established by the first entrepreneurs to build successful enterprises here in town, the Club's tradition follows the commerce. At one point, over a hundred companies, through their various owners, were represented. Democracy proceeded slowly here, consensus required patience, and tradition could not be ignored. One should note that a majority of the elected members of the Huhu Authority have been Club members all their lives. It used to be that while representative of the political class, the Club was a diverse and opinionated group - unanimity was virtually nonexistent.

But lately, there are no voices of dissent. The represented wealth of the Club membership has changed dramatically, and the changes correspond exactly to the growth of Dr. Growler's EverCool empire. His enterprise grew astonishingly large in very short order, and although he carefully avoided legal issues regarding monopoly, in the end he either owned, or was the major shareholder of most companies in Growlerville. The impact of his success is ultimately reflected in the opinions and in the gossip at the Club, which unanimously support the repeal of the Safe Magic regulations. The membership, these once independent entrepreneurs, now all work for Dr. Growler or for companies owned by him. Hence the mouthing of the party line, "Repeal, repeal, repeal." Everyone seems to be in clone mode. It's a unison drone that is not in line with the Club's own tradition of disparate voices. Could the political power base of Growlerville have been hijacked without anyone even noticing?

Have comment on this story? Email us:
gz @ growler.com Put "Grist" on the subject line.
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Fill in the blanks to spell the 2 word title of a Growler story: i__i_i_i_i__ __i_i_

The website now has 29 age appropriate crossword puzzles? (and more coming!)
Go here: The Growler Tapes Crossword

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AMAZING HUHU FACTS (GR6 Dry Water)

Fact: Growlers have always been afraid of the dark.

And that fear has been the driving force behind Dr. Growler's life mission of finding a way to eliminate all darkness. Combining several new technologies, he's been experimenting with stimulated laser-photon illumination applied from an antigravity sustaining platform. He has already perfected both the antigravity systems, and a super-bright light he calls Growlershine. He's currently in search of a power supply large enough to handle his needs. As a service to all Growlers, he plans to turn on Growlershine from high in the sky every night. His ultimate goal is also the name of his mission: Project No Night.
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THE GROWLERVILLE TOURIST by Mr. E.

I'm sitting at a window table in Elma's Munch with my new hero, the policewoman named Bebe. She lets me buy her lunch. We're relaxing before heading back into the fray for the last half of her shift. She can trace her ancestors back to the time of the Parents of Antiquity. They were practitioner/merchants, and although she trained to follow in their footsteps, a magic tragedy caused her to change course. Our waitress is good friend, and it's obvious they go way back. On her advice, we get a double order of something called "fried ladyslippers." It's fantastic! A local delicacy, ladyslippers grow wild in the surrounding forests. As we eat, I finally get a chance to ask her about the antique handbag.

"You mean the Bottomless?" She pulls it out of her backpack. Folded up, it barely takes up any space, but the Bottomless Bag is a wonder to behold. If you remember, she confiscated it from the kids at the theater. When I ask her why she took it, and what the kids were doing with it, she can't believe I'm so ignorant. Under the new regulations for encrusted products, the Bottomless Bag is illegal. "It's dangerous! Look!" She holds it open before me. I am confused by the illogical perception of this encrusted space! You can hear the sounds of wind and distance. Looking in, the bottom is not discernible, and my instincts tell me not to fall in. Though the bag is only a few inches deep, I can insert my entire arm into it without feeling the bottom. "Put something into it." My handkerchief goes in. "More." My shoes. "More." My jacket. At this point, the bag still appears exactly the same - it has not increased in size or weight in spite of its contents. Now I get it. The kids snuck into the theater inside the bag, brought in by the two who paid for tickets. What a racket. No wonder it's illegal.

A call comes in. "Bebe here. That can wait until after Moon At Midnight." She's talking to Janine. "Oooh. That's a problem. Give me the details..." She's getting up, but I need to get my shoes and jacket back. Reaching into the bag is not working. "Turn it over," she motions me, interrupting her call. Holding it upside down over my lap, my stuff tumbles out after a brief delay. Then, I become aware that something else came out. Something I can feel in my lap, but something I cannot see. I say, "There's something invisible on my lap!" but I cannot hear my words, so I point. I'm shouting, but there's only silence. The entire cafe is silent. Then I notice that Bebe's trying to speak to dispatch, and now she's reaching for a glass of water... At the same moment, the thing in my lap jumps off of me, just as Bebe throws the water at it. I can't believe she did that! I'm soaked! As we sit, unable to speak, I remember a previous experience with the little creature that eats sounds. If Bebe had hit it with the water, we would have been able to see it...

"...you hear me? Ok, we're back now. Janine, I'm here! No no no. No problem. Let Environmental know that a Noise Thief is somewhere near Elma's. I'm headed to the warehouse per the plan."

We're going to check out a problem at the Moon At Midnight warehouse, where the recalled Bottomless Bags are being stored, supposedly under high security. The warehouse is behind the big store at the mall, and is a massive brick building. The manager is waiting for Bebe. He's a skinny, nervous guy named Sal, who invites us inside. But Bebe has other ideas. With Sal, we walk around the perimeter of the building. Almost immediately, she finds a hole in the wall. It's almost perfectly round. We go through and find ourselves in the T9 section. Bebe explains that this is where the products made from T9, including the Bottomless Bag, are stored. Sal is really embarrassed, as if this breach is his responsibility. Maybe it is. Maybe he's the problem.

Bebe calls us over. She's studying the hole from the inside. "Look at this! It's a Way Out!" Sal is stunned, "The portable hole. Why not? This is the storeroom for all things T9." I'm not sure how she does it, but Bebe grabs the edge of the hole, pulls on it, and peels it off the wall! In her hands is a black, pizza sized flat object, which she rolls up and puts in a special box that Sal provides. There is no longer a hole in the wall. I am blown away and want to try it. "Be careful, use it only on the wall. Imagine what would happen if someone were to place that on the ground? That's why it's so dangerous. That's why they've been recalled. Like the Bottomless, it's made from T9."

On the floor, Bebe finds something, and carefully places it an evidence container. "This was an inside job..." Sal interrupts, "No way! Not a chance..." "The fact that this Way Out was used from the inside, means that it wasn't used to break in. And there's more than one culprit.

Bebe's hypothesis is that one or more thieves snuck into the storage facility inside a confiscated Bottomless, then helped themselves to the contraband which they carried out through the Way Out. Since you cannot get out of a Bottomless without help, she suspects an inside connection. She orders an investigation of all recent deliveries made to the warehouse. After checking in and filing a report, Bebe requests via dispatch to arrange a briefing with my old buddy, Growler Louise. Wow! What I would give to get a conversation with her! Bebe has some questions for her, and the power to get them answered. Janine calls back almost immediately, and we're off to the Lookout. On our way, Bebe refuses to answer any questions about Louise's role in all this. The only thing I learn is that she's managing some important secret project, and the government is involved.

From far away we can see Growler Louise looking through binoculars at something in the valley below. She's on her feet as we approach, and it's obvious that she's in a big hurry to go somewhere - she's not aware of us until we're close. "Louise, just have a couple of quick questions..." Bebe is pulling out the Bottomless in her pack. Louise is just barely tolerating us, "This is very inconvenient. I told them that this was a good time, but something unavoidable just came up... Look, I know this seems rude, but I have an urgent rendezvous, which I just can't miss it. It's a once in a lifetime kind of thing. Try me later..." And she's gone. I'm not even sure she saw me. Bebe is looking down into the meadow below, where Louise was focused, her mouth open. We see a familiar contraption, one shown to us by Dr. Growler. Then, we hear the amplified cricket songs as the thousands of fake crickets begin to make lifelike movements. It's all quite surreal. Louise was watching Dr. Grower setting up his experiment, somehow connected to the TImefish. Then, glancing at the Bottomless Bag still in Bebe's hand, I notice the initials embroidered under the strap - "GL."

Next time: The Growler Louise connection, fishing for Timefish, the Temporal Vortex, and an introduction to Nothing.
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MORE INSTANT STUPIDITY

Why is this so easy to read?:

Sllepnig deos not mttear. Wnat to laren mroe? Cilck the avobe lnik.
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UNCLE HUHU'S KNOCK KNOCK CITY

Knock knock.
Who's there? Sarah.
Sarah who? Sarah nuther piece of pie?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Dishes.
Dishes who? Dishes the worst case of Toxic Obnoxic I've ever seen.

Knock knock.
Who's there? Winner.
Winner who? Winner you gonna stop being so annoying?

Knock knock.
Who's there? Howard.
Howard who? Howard we gonna get you to eat your vegetables?

Click here for the big collection of knock-knock jokes from Uncle Huhu:
More Knocks
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Other recommended stories that relate to this issue of GrowlerZone:
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GROWLER RADIO 21, Bottomless Bag

Everyone's looking for Grandma Huhu. Students enrolled in
Time Manipulation 101 reported her missing when she failed to
show for morning lecture. Their greatest fear is that she might
be stuck somewhere unknown in time, which would be a big
problem. But the actual problem is in fact much, much bigger.

When you see butterflies flying into a Bottomless Bag, you
probably should investigate. This bag is bigger on the inside than
the outside, so it holds a LOT!  The kids get a peek into the past,
have a first hand experience with Fast Fingers, and get on the
wrong side of Growler Fred.

Concepts: Time manipulation, dimensionality.

Revisits: T-9, magic safety issues, Fast Fingers.
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GROWLER RADIO 22, The Noise Thief

When technicians at the Oldold Institute opened the vessel containing the mineral sample from the Forbidden Zone, they were unable to talk or call for help. Just prior to the incident, the Deck Of Antiquity was seen nearby. Could it have been working with the Noise Thief toward some mutual objective?

The kids get tricked by a master of deception and experience the amazing creature that grazes on sound energy.  Along the way they encounter Grandpa Huhu, who's trying to get a handle on a potentially bad problem. And then there's Dr. Growler, who never makes life easy.

Concepts: A creature that lives on sounds.

Revisits: The Forbidden Zone.
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GROWLER RADIO 26, Timefish

The Timefish evolved the ability to create an opening in time
called a temporal vortex, through which they can travel to other
timezones in search of better survival conditions. But is this
temporal vortex a dangerous place for the Baby Huhu? And what
is Prof. Growler doing with all those fake crickets?

An organization called EARS (Encrusted Animal Rights Society)
has been protesting the exploitation of encrusted animals by
scientists. They've even infiltrated Prof. Growler's project.
The kids get caught up in a weird experiment, and then lead a last
ditch rescue effort.

Concepts: (1) The temporal vortex, where time does not pass, and a
species that travels through time to find the best conditions for
survival. (2) A thriving species composed of one, sterile individual.

The Growlerville Tourist column in a past issue of GrowlerZone has a
brief descriptive on Timefish: GZ nov 2000. Also this: Timefish
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THE HUHU'S WHO'S WHO (from the website)

Want to reference a character in Growlerville? Anyone who's anyone is in this book.
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All Growler stories are available on both audiocassettes & CDs.

To order tapes, CDs or a catalog, call 1-800-GROWLER or click here: Order Form

Purchase orders accepted from libraries and schools.
Info for schools & libraries Discounts on full sets
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To read more about available Growler tapes/CDs:

The Growler Tapes (Classic Series) I-IV

Growler Radio 1-27


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